Aparigraha (non-grasping)

Aphorism: Let go of control; trust the process and the people.

HR Application: Aparigraha asks us not to hoard authority or cling to outdated policies. It reminds us to let go of fear-based control. It means letting go of the image or story that may be built around a role. In DEI work, for instance, this may mean giving up a monopoly on how belonging is defined or measured. In people operations, it might mean co-creating policies with employees, not just for them.

Aparigraha and the Trap of Leadership Identity

“What we possess, possesses us.” — Deborah Adele

In the words of Deborah Adele, what we possess, possesses us. Leaders, and oftentimes newer leaders, can get caught up in the image they project. Sometimes leaders can struggle with attachment to being the best leader or manager they can be. This can bring about a series of problems related to the attachment to the image or mental model a leader or manager may have related to their own leadership. The attachment to their role and how they are perceived can result in their impact being eclipsed by their image. Decision-making gets hoarded under the banner of “it’s faster if I do it,” and feedback starts to feel like a threat to identity. Coaching morphs into rescuing rather than lifting or developing, which stalls team growth, and micromanaging creeps in as a substitute for trust. The calendar fills with busyness; back-to-back meetings that to them signal worth but don’t create value.

Leadership is about managing perception and it’s easy to fall into the trap of conflating identity with the role as a leader. The attachment to looking like a great leader/manager creates an environment that doesn’t support psychological safety. Loosening the grip on the image of perfection or being perceived as a good leader gives room for authenticity in the form of clarity through consistent values-aligned actions. This is what makes a leader or manager great. They act with humility, which aligns their desired professional image with what is actually perceived by others.

Aparigraha replaces fear-based control with trust grounded in mutual respect. By sunsetting stale rules, distributing decision rights, and co-creating what comes next, you make space for employees’ wisdom to shape the system, and that’s how cultures get more equitable, adaptive, and alive.